Summer is a Comin...

You know you are a natural teacher when: You get super excited to go to "The Learning Palace" to buy more school books for the kids to work on over summer break. You get a high just thinking about how you will re-organize your home school space... You think about school related things as your trying to fall asleep at night... You get a kick out of watching a child (your own child) grasp a new concept... You enjoy spending quality time with your children (that they will remember forever).... However, we really are ready to relax and play for a few months. I look forward to side walk chalk, parks, bubbles, swimming, friends, camping, cooling off in a nice, dark, and air conditioned house, Popsicles, adventures, and fun with family!

It's a New Day

It is a new day...and just as I remind DJ to "check your attitude", I am reminded that I should do the same. It has been a rough few months since Easter. I'm not sure what flipped the trigger for the kids to cycle into troublesome behaviors....usually they take turns, but this time EVERYONE flipped out. I am tired of guessing why. When I go to the "little Blessings Support Group" I am reminded that I am not alone and that it could always be worse. A family from our group lost their daughter to her disease in April. Every time I go to group I am biting my cheek so that I don't all out bawl. Anyway, it is a new day and I have a choice to make as far as how to handle myself in a difficult situation. One thing is is that my voice is pretty much gone as I have been sick for the past week or so. I suppose if the kids want to hear me they will have to get real close, lol. Alayna is all finished with her school work for the year! I am so happy to let her off the hook!!!! Seth is a few lessons from being done and DJ has a whole lot of work to do still. My newest idea for behavior reform is to put scripture mastery on index cards...file them for behaviors that correlate. When a behavior arises...like lying, I would have them pull that card, copy it, recite it, or work on memorizing it. I want to be careful not to cast a negative shadow on the gospel, however, we are trying to teach gospel principles and it only makes sense to intertwine it somehow. Plus, I am exhausted from going over it verbally. It is our hope to have law abiding citizens with good moral character someday. DJ now has a skills trainer who is coming to the house to meet with him a few days a week. I don't mind her coming and working with him, but she also wants to pull me aside for part of the time to learn collaborative problem solving skills. Actually, I have wanted to take that specific class. The kids make it difficult to turn my attention to another adult in the home. What I really want her to do is take DJ off my hands for the 2 hours so I can have a mental and emotional break without having to exert energy to learning more material. I think this is just because I am exhausted. Normally I am very accepting of learning new things.

Easter Weekend

We were blessed to have beautiful weather for Easter weekend. It was SO NICE. I was so exhausted from concerts, eggs, fun with kids. I promise to post pics as soon as possible. The girls were adorable in their new dresses. The concerts were spirit filled and wonderful. It was a little sad for the last song, knowing that we wouldn't sing together again for a while. I think many were touched by the holy ghost. It's back to the routine for now.

New Solutions!

I am SUPER relieved and happy that DJ has been accepted into the New Solutions program. This is such a blessing for our family as it will build enormous support around our family and our needs. DJ is primarily the one kiddo who the meetings will be for, but in order to meet his needs they will support everyone in our family. Let me be honest with you (or myself, as no one reads my blog anyway), there are things that pre-adoptive parents are not told. One thing though that Drew and I promised each other is that we would reach out and find support if we encountered issues while raising these precious children. The things they struggle with are not their fault. Sometimes I feel so frustrated that they do not internalize/learn the things we are striving to teach. God is in control. We need to be reminded that we were chosen for this great work and that HE guides and provides. On another note, tomorrow night is another support group meeting. The kids will be so excited as they love doing the activities provided there. I am excited to give such a positive report and to see and love on the other families there. The Easter concert is FRI and SAT this coming weekend. I am looking forward to this as we have rehearsed and worked super hard to put it together. School starts up again tomorrow and I am excited to get back on schedule. Now time to relax with the husband.

Monday Update

Okay....so it's been a few weeks since the last post. We have had loads of Dr. appts and school work though. It feels great to have accomplished so much! Only 1 Dr. appt on the calendar for this week! I have found great therapy working outside in the yard. The sun has been coming out in between bouts of rain, hail, and snow. Despite the unusual weather for the Valley, there are blossoms! I'm afraid my peas are rotting in the muddy soil. I plan to make some jam from the left over frozen berries from last year. Drew teaches tonight so I will work on appliqueing some daisies on the top of my sister in-law's quilt. The nights he is gone teaching are now my craft night (unless I am too tired from kids). The kids loved the ribbon wands for singing time yesterday. We also practiced "Our Primary Colors" with some fun visuals. Homeschool is going fairly well. DJ is writing a speech about George Washington and is also working on a big Social Studies Portfolio. The other 2 kids are breezing through their work with an overall 96% and 97% grade average. I love the connections academy curriculum! I have loads of laundry, dishes, and bathrooms to clean....Mondays are a big clean up day from the craziness of the weekend. Oh..and our foster kiddo is staying at least another 90 days. He is so cute, however, permanency would be best. That's all for now folks!

Supports

Hello blogging world. Yes, I am still here....and it hasn't been 2 years since the last post. Things have been up and down around here and busier than ever. DJ has a new mental health therapist and has had 3 appointments so far. My first impressions or gut feeling is good. She has experience in all the right areas and on the case plan we opened up the possibility for tons of wrap around services if they become needed. It feels good to begin building a support team around our family. Dr. Tim (our med management expert) is amazing! We've been working with him now for over a year. We've got IEPs and 504s in place for kiddos who need them. My connections academy students are learning well here in our home environment, although laundry and "made from scratch" meals are suffering a bit. I have been collecting all past medical records in order to build notebooks for each kiddo. This way I can just hand over the notebook and have the specialist do some reading and photocopying as needed. We are getting new neuro Psyche evals on DJ and Megs. How am I doing? I am up and down. I've cried more in the past 2 months off and on than I have in my entire life! Part of that I am sure has to do with coming off some of my own medications. I fight with feeling of guilt for overreacting or not creating the reality of the "vision" for how I always thought my family would be. I'm frustrated by behaviors I cannot teach or love my kids out of doing. I am disgusted with the amount of structure and micro managing that my kids call for. However, I know at the end of the day that God has given me all that I need to be the parent these kids need me to be...even if that does not match the vision in my head (yellow school bus, warm cookies coming out of the oven, multiple trips to the park, dance and sports lessons, etc). I know deep down that Drew and I are doing and have done our very best to provide for all of their needs. We will not give up. Something that I have really enjoyed over the past few weeks has been getting out and cleaning up the yard. The kids have been excited to play in the dirt. The other day while while DJ was raking he said "When I'm serving others I am actually serving God"...he said it with joy and confidence. These are moments to remember that some of what we are trying to teach is coming through. Despite my bad back, the fresh air and new hobby of beautifying the yard has been a blessing. I always like a job that has visual evidence of change....it feels great to accomplish something. I have planted hardy spring flowers, mowed, weeded, rearranged boulders, fertilized, etc. We also got some winter veggie seeds planted inside to get starts going for the garden. Drew promises to get the garden dirt ready soon. I even planted flower seeds inside that stated on the package should be planted indoors 8-10 weeks before the last frost. I am looking forward to better weather....to 12 mile bike rides with my friend Heather, and to fresh foods from the garden.

Support Group

I had the chance to visit a support group for families with kids who have special needs. The kids had a blast playing in the room next to where the parents were meeting. After the opening prayer I began to feel emotional....I mean they were going around the table talking about their kids and I was really trying not to all out bawl. I mostly had little tears escaping and some sniffles....but by the time it was my turn, I was so emotional that I had to pass. I knew if I opened my mouth and tried to utter out a word I would completely lose it. Anyway, it came back around to being my turn and I got through it. I am so glad they had tissues there. There were a few parents who had kids with autism, lots of parents of kids with rare genetic disorders that cause major disabilities, parents who just lost children, etc. I sort of felt a little out of place in that my kids struggle with behavioral and neurological setbacks in comparison...but I also felt like I belonged because these people have the same type of struggles we do with family, friends, church peeps, ect. Anyway, the Holy Spirit was SO strong there. I did bare my testimony that I know and am grateful for the knowledge that God would not give me more than I can handle. He equips us to do His will and to get through the challenges in our lives. I expressed my gratitude for the love he sends to us through our children and through other people. I do think this will be a great opportunity for me to uplift and be uplifted by others. To top it off the kids had a major great time! If you want to know more about joining this support group just send me a comment. On another note....my dear sunshine, I miss you already! Please come out again soon.

Flowers, Yay!

I LOVE flowers. I've never been into planting them though. We have been super blessed with some spring like weather...sunny, no rain....for a week or so. Drew, the kids, and I all worked in the yard this weekend. We mowed, raked, weeded, and had a bbq outside. It was a wonderful weekend with just our own little family. I think the kids enjoyed the fresh air as well. So, today I got brave and purchased some hardy plants for the planters in front of the house. I got some primrose, pansies, and another that I can't remember the name of. The kids enjoyed digging in the dirt too. We also got ALL of our homeschool done for the day as well. I can't believe it, but we also went to the park for a while. I made simple tuna sandwiches for dinner and tossed some cookies in the oven. I am happy for good days around here. D earned some computer time as well....he had a great day! To top it off, we are trying out a new foster/adoption support group tonight. The kids will have their own activities and fun while the parents connect with other families. We'll see if it's worth a drive to Salem and being out late. D has an appointment with a new psychotherapist this Wednesday as well. I hope it will be a good move on our part. That's it for now :p

Traumatized Kids/Traumatized Parents

The following is an excerpt from a blog I found...and it was unusual at how it laid out some of my own personal feelings and battles that Drew and I are going through right now. Read if you like...but please don't give any judgmental feedback...only supportive comments on these sensitive adoption issues. I promise you that you don't know what really goes on in these situations unless you are living in it. My kids can also seem so sweet and charming to others in the public...even relatives. You just don't know unless you yourself experience it. With that.....here is the post....... Being Traumatized Ourselves There are several reasons we all decided to adopt. Perhaps you have had a calling since childhood, your sister became addicted to drugs and DFCS asked you to step up, you struggled with infertility, or maybe you saw an ad that stirred something in you. Why isn't important. I'm sure nearly every one of us had some fantasy that included loving moments with your new adorable child. Who wouldn't allow themselves to daydream about vacations by the beach or dinners out with friends as a family? For most adoptive parents, that dream was realized when their child settled in to their new home and new loving family. Our families don't fit that mold. Our children were traumatized in the homes of their first families. Some of them were starved, left unattended for hours and even days, beaten, and even sexually abused by the very people that were supposed to love and protect them. When our children's needs were ignored, they began to learn that no one could be trusted. They became anxious, never knowing who or if anyone would ever help them. Over time, it became anger. Eventually, they landed in our homes with new parents ready to snuggle and love all their boo boos away. Some of them showed their anger and mistrust by destroying their nice new things, spitting on us, kicking, hitting, acting out sexually, and some even tried to harm themselves or others to prove they weren't worthy of being loved. Our love was foreign to them. We stood there and watched all the hoopla thinking we must be crazy. How could this adorable child be so charming and sweet to the check out lady and kick us in the head all the way home in the van? How could you tell your friends and family and make them believe? If you were brave enough, they probably explained how you must be doing something wrong, or it is all typical kids behavior. You began to think it must be you. You questioned your behavior, your motives, your parenting, everything. You searched out parenting books and advice from your doctor. Nothing worked. As your child got worse and became a danger to you or your other children, you began to wonder what you have done to your family. You didn't know what else there was to do. Disruption thoughts began to slip in your thoughts and depression set in. You are not alone. There are families out there struggling to parent traumatized children and being traumatized ourselves during this process. I can't say this group will fix your problems or save your family. I can say finding a support group that will not judge you can save your sanity and give you the strength to go on when you feel you are at the end of your rope. We can help each other find new ways that will help you help your child learn to trust you. We can support each other when the smell of pee sends you into a sobfest, provide respite for each other when we need some down time, and even help you explain to the school why this isn't your fault and teach them how to help you instead of getting sucked into your child's lies or manipulations. Tell me what you need. What are you struggling with? What behaviors push your buttons the fastest and are the hardest to deal with? What resources are you having a hard time finding? Are you confused about where to begin to look for help? What can we do for you? http://thebodiebunch.blogspot.com/

Baptism & Cinderella

Today was such an awesome day! It started with the baptism of John Cheney at the church. The Holy Ghost was so strong there today. The love from our Savior was very apparent. I am also always very glad to have the opportunity to play my flute. Ceanna sang a beautiful song and Maria was awesome on the piano as well. I also got to catch up with my friend Renetta and was able to sit with Darcy. Such cool peeps. After that I took 3 of our kids to go pick out princess/king crowns for the dress up Cinderella matine. It was awesome and the kids had so much fun. They were even asking if we could take them to audition for a play sometime. That would be fun to try. ON a completely different note...I am thinking of trying out a foster/adoptive support group on Monday night. They provide childcare...it would be good to get some connections going around here. I am thankful for the beautiful sunny day we had!

Cookies & Soup, Yum!

I was able to finally find time and cash to stop by the cannery today over at Norpac. I've been meaning to check it out for some time now. I got a lot to put in the freezer for 30 bucks. Went home......tossed one of the frozen soups into the stock pot.....added a few cans tomato sauce, seasoning, parm cheese, and pasta. The kids ate it right up! Since dinner was so easy we threw together some cookies for after dinner. I think I'll make up some homemade bread to go with it tomorrow. We fell a few lessons behind in school, but we'll try to make up for it tomorrow....that's the beauty of schooling at home.

Wow...it's a miracle! Only a day or so has passed since my last post...let's see if I can keep at it. My kids are way excited to see the production of Cinderella that CHS is putting on here in town. The awesome thing is that the guests have been invited to dress up. Joe wants to go as a prince, the girls as Cinderella, and me as the evil stepmother (wahaaahahaha). It's been a fairly productive day here...the kids are all caught up with their school work (through Connections Academy) and we made it through two doctor appointments. I was going to go grocery shopping after the last dr. apt. this afternoon but had a change of heart when I realized how energetic the kids were and how tired I was. Groceries can wait for another day. I have been asked to give a short 5 minute talk at the upcoming relief society activity....of all things on "achieving balance" during this busy phase of life. They have a newly married sister, me for the middle agers, and an older sister with no kids left at home. I'm thinking this is one of those times that the talk is supposed to be encouragement for myself to get on track. I am REALLY struggling with balance. I know this when a week goes by and I realized that I haven't shaved my legs, put on lotion, or taken any vitamins. It's really not that funny. Since our last 2 foster kids left, our oldest son has really been struggling with his own sense of permanency which is why I think his behaviors have been so difficult. I wish there was a local support group for kids with RAD and AD. This is the reason I haven't taken time out for me. These crisis times are so stressful and tiring. Don't get me wrong though....I LOVE my kiddos and have no regrets. Parenting kids with these issues is just going to be extremely difficult at times....heck, parenting kids with typical age appropriate issues is also difficult at times.

So it has been 2 long years since I have posted to my blog. I have been thinking about facebook a lot lately. The time has come for me to let it go. I think the blog is much more private and still allows me to keep connected with some friends. It's also a better means for journaling. It has been 2 years since my last post! Life has continued to move forward...kids are getting so big. So here is an update... Drew is still going strong building the chiropractic office and also teaching health and science classed at 2 different colleges. He is serving in the young men's program at church. We have moved into his parent's old house on rice lane....we love it! Michelle is busy working with the children...teaching them through Oregon Connections Academy here at home. Megan still attends the local elementary school here in town. She gets a lot of support there with an IEP. Joseph is looking forward to going to Kinder next fall. Some kids just do better learning at home. She also cares for one 2 yr old foster kiddo who is adorable! He gets to go home within the next 8 or 9 weeks. After that, we are taking a break from fostering. Michelle is also serving as the Primary Chorister. DJ is 10 and busy with Scouting and school. Although this doesn't sound like a lot, he is very busy with just these 2 things. He also loves to help his dad with any and all guy projects/service. Megs is 9 and growing like a weed. She has a deep love for school, books, and babies. It's fun to have a little sister so close to her own age to play with. Alayna is 8 and was just baptized! Activity Days is her most favorite thing to do. She will also be taking ballet this spring. Seth is as vivacious as ever and keeps all of us on our toes. It would be nice to somehow get some of his energy. Joe is 5 in about 2 weeks from now and VERY ready to leave home and go to kinder with Mrs. Garcia. Believe it or not, he still Loves THOMAS the TRAIN and is asking for another THOMAS birthday. So this is it in a nutshell :-)