Traumatized Kids/Traumatized Parents

The following is an excerpt from a blog I found...and it was unusual at how it laid out some of my own personal feelings and battles that Drew and I are going through right now. Read if you like...but please don't give any judgmental feedback...only supportive comments on these sensitive adoption issues. I promise you that you don't know what really goes on in these situations unless you are living in it. My kids can also seem so sweet and charming to others in the public...even relatives. You just don't know unless you yourself experience it. With that.....here is the post....... Being Traumatized Ourselves There are several reasons we all decided to adopt. Perhaps you have had a calling since childhood, your sister became addicted to drugs and DFCS asked you to step up, you struggled with infertility, or maybe you saw an ad that stirred something in you. Why isn't important. I'm sure nearly every one of us had some fantasy that included loving moments with your new adorable child. Who wouldn't allow themselves to daydream about vacations by the beach or dinners out with friends as a family? For most adoptive parents, that dream was realized when their child settled in to their new home and new loving family. Our families don't fit that mold. Our children were traumatized in the homes of their first families. Some of them were starved, left unattended for hours and even days, beaten, and even sexually abused by the very people that were supposed to love and protect them. When our children's needs were ignored, they began to learn that no one could be trusted. They became anxious, never knowing who or if anyone would ever help them. Over time, it became anger. Eventually, they landed in our homes with new parents ready to snuggle and love all their boo boos away. Some of them showed their anger and mistrust by destroying their nice new things, spitting on us, kicking, hitting, acting out sexually, and some even tried to harm themselves or others to prove they weren't worthy of being loved. Our love was foreign to them. We stood there and watched all the hoopla thinking we must be crazy. How could this adorable child be so charming and sweet to the check out lady and kick us in the head all the way home in the van? How could you tell your friends and family and make them believe? If you were brave enough, they probably explained how you must be doing something wrong, or it is all typical kids behavior. You began to think it must be you. You questioned your behavior, your motives, your parenting, everything. You searched out parenting books and advice from your doctor. Nothing worked. As your child got worse and became a danger to you or your other children, you began to wonder what you have done to your family. You didn't know what else there was to do. Disruption thoughts began to slip in your thoughts and depression set in. You are not alone. There are families out there struggling to parent traumatized children and being traumatized ourselves during this process. I can't say this group will fix your problems or save your family. I can say finding a support group that will not judge you can save your sanity and give you the strength to go on when you feel you are at the end of your rope. We can help each other find new ways that will help you help your child learn to trust you. We can support each other when the smell of pee sends you into a sobfest, provide respite for each other when we need some down time, and even help you explain to the school why this isn't your fault and teach them how to help you instead of getting sucked into your child's lies or manipulations. Tell me what you need. What are you struggling with? What behaviors push your buttons the fastest and are the hardest to deal with? What resources are you having a hard time finding? Are you confused about where to begin to look for help? What can we do for you? http://thebodiebunch.blogspot.com/

Baptism & Cinderella

Today was such an awesome day! It started with the baptism of John Cheney at the church. The Holy Ghost was so strong there today. The love from our Savior was very apparent. I am also always very glad to have the opportunity to play my flute. Ceanna sang a beautiful song and Maria was awesome on the piano as well. I also got to catch up with my friend Renetta and was able to sit with Darcy. Such cool peeps. After that I took 3 of our kids to go pick out princess/king crowns for the dress up Cinderella matine. It was awesome and the kids had so much fun. They were even asking if we could take them to audition for a play sometime. That would be fun to try. ON a completely different note...I am thinking of trying out a foster/adoptive support group on Monday night. They provide childcare...it would be good to get some connections going around here. I am thankful for the beautiful sunny day we had!

Cookies & Soup, Yum!

I was able to finally find time and cash to stop by the cannery today over at Norpac. I've been meaning to check it out for some time now. I got a lot to put in the freezer for 30 bucks. Went home......tossed one of the frozen soups into the stock pot.....added a few cans tomato sauce, seasoning, parm cheese, and pasta. The kids ate it right up! Since dinner was so easy we threw together some cookies for after dinner. I think I'll make up some homemade bread to go with it tomorrow. We fell a few lessons behind in school, but we'll try to make up for it tomorrow....that's the beauty of schooling at home.

Wow...it's a miracle! Only a day or so has passed since my last post...let's see if I can keep at it. My kids are way excited to see the production of Cinderella that CHS is putting on here in town. The awesome thing is that the guests have been invited to dress up. Joe wants to go as a prince, the girls as Cinderella, and me as the evil stepmother (wahaaahahaha). It's been a fairly productive day here...the kids are all caught up with their school work (through Connections Academy) and we made it through two doctor appointments. I was going to go grocery shopping after the last dr. apt. this afternoon but had a change of heart when I realized how energetic the kids were and how tired I was. Groceries can wait for another day. I have been asked to give a short 5 minute talk at the upcoming relief society activity....of all things on "achieving balance" during this busy phase of life. They have a newly married sister, me for the middle agers, and an older sister with no kids left at home. I'm thinking this is one of those times that the talk is supposed to be encouragement for myself to get on track. I am REALLY struggling with balance. I know this when a week goes by and I realized that I haven't shaved my legs, put on lotion, or taken any vitamins. It's really not that funny. Since our last 2 foster kids left, our oldest son has really been struggling with his own sense of permanency which is why I think his behaviors have been so difficult. I wish there was a local support group for kids with RAD and AD. This is the reason I haven't taken time out for me. These crisis times are so stressful and tiring. Don't get me wrong though....I LOVE my kiddos and have no regrets. Parenting kids with these issues is just going to be extremely difficult at times....heck, parenting kids with typical age appropriate issues is also difficult at times.

So it has been 2 long years since I have posted to my blog. I have been thinking about facebook a lot lately. The time has come for me to let it go. I think the blog is much more private and still allows me to keep connected with some friends. It's also a better means for journaling. It has been 2 years since my last post! Life has continued to move forward...kids are getting so big. So here is an update... Drew is still going strong building the chiropractic office and also teaching health and science classed at 2 different colleges. He is serving in the young men's program at church. We have moved into his parent's old house on rice lane....we love it! Michelle is busy working with the children...teaching them through Oregon Connections Academy here at home. Megan still attends the local elementary school here in town. She gets a lot of support there with an IEP. Joseph is looking forward to going to Kinder next fall. Some kids just do better learning at home. She also cares for one 2 yr old foster kiddo who is adorable! He gets to go home within the next 8 or 9 weeks. After that, we are taking a break from fostering. Michelle is also serving as the Primary Chorister. DJ is 10 and busy with Scouting and school. Although this doesn't sound like a lot, he is very busy with just these 2 things. He also loves to help his dad with any and all guy projects/service. Megs is 9 and growing like a weed. She has a deep love for school, books, and babies. It's fun to have a little sister so close to her own age to play with. Alayna is 8 and was just baptized! Activity Days is her most favorite thing to do. She will also be taking ballet this spring. Seth is as vivacious as ever and keeps all of us on our toes. It would be nice to somehow get some of his energy. Joe is 5 in about 2 weeks from now and VERY ready to leave home and go to kinder with Mrs. Garcia. Believe it or not, he still Loves THOMAS the TRAIN and is asking for another THOMAS birthday. So this is it in a nutshell :-)

Froggy Potty Fun

Just a quick potty training update. Joseph is well on his way to being daytime potty trained. Thanks to "Froggy Potty". I have adoreable pics of Joe on his froggy potty, but they are still on the camera. Anyways, the design is great because the froggy eyes are nice and high in the front...thus helping with aim issues. I am so grateful for almost being out of diapers :-). Joe gets very excited every time he goes. He must have the froggypotty in a bathroom...and he needs his privacy, door closed, mom waiting outside. He often sings or talks to the froggy potty while waiting to go. He has been getting m&ms for each success, but we ran out and he has not been asking for them anymore. It's crazy that we won't have a little one tagging along in diapers anymore, but also a good feeling. The kids are growing so much...now that they are older they understand more and we tend to be able to do more fun things as a family. It's a lot less work than it use to be going out as a group. They listen better, they enjoy and understand more, and the get ready time is so much less. We are getting ready for our family reunion at the beach this coming weekend. I am really looking forward to a good time with our crew. Less work and more fun! The practice is doing well. We have about 30 new patients and are trying to keep the momentum going. Lunch time is upon us, so I will post pics later. PS...froggypotty can be found at Target.

NW Family Chiropractic is Here!

Hello Friends....many of you have been asking for details on the new practice. please accept my apologies for the delay...we have been busy busy. So...it is NW Family Chiropractic, located near downtown Salem, Oregon. It's a great location and we are starting it up (we did not buy someone elses practice). We just celebrated with the Grand Opening yesterday afternoon. We had the ribbon cutting, refreshments, the radio guys were here, and Drew gave adjustmentst. Twas fun and busy. We have Future Health...an awesome software program to help us run an efficient and professional practice. We also had some family pics taken last weekend. Kids are good. No Christmas letter this year from us, but I think we will do a mailout in the Spring. Enjoy the pics :-) More to come later...Happy Holidays and we Miss You all!!