RAD: Reactive Attachment Disorder

Here are a few insights on reactive attachment disorder. RAD is a very common disorder among adopted children and children who are or have been in foster care. Sometimes I try to wish away the fact that 3 of my children deal with this. RADs can cause havok on a well meaning family. Especially people who want nothing more than to love and meet their children's needs. RADs is often an unwelcome suprise to hopeful adoptive parents. I've been a part of a discussion board and learned from others' experiences that Drew and I are not alone. Some of the couples on the board have adopted babies from Russia and other countries too. So...how did my 3 oldest children end up with this problem? Their early needs were not met. When babies or young children are neglected they cannot form trusting relationships or bond to adults or caregivers. Drew and I are trying build this trust with our children. Anyway, I'll write more on this later, but I'll tell you why I'm frustrated today. I decided to spend some quality time with my older 3 children this afternoon. I left the babies home with the nanny. ANyway, I made a serious effort to be in a good mood, be loving, and remain calm (aka...ignoring majorly annoying behaviors). We went out for lunch and had a pretty good time. Well...the pattern that develops after rcving positive attention always catches me by suprise. Even after nearlt 3 years. Since they rcvd positive attention they paid me back with awful behavior. Yes...they push me away just when you think you've created a good memory. This is a major reason why birthdays, Christmas, or any special attention results in disaster. Without going into detail I will just say that these children made ME pay royally once we all got back home. I'm frustrated. The other wonderful thing about RADS is that most of your family and friends think your kids are normal. Well, RADS kids are great about putting on a superficial or charming front for people. Don't get me wrong, I love my children RADs and all. I know they were meant for us and I need to learn to draw on God's power to parent them.