Thursday, February 23, 2012

Supports

Hello blogging world. Yes, I am still here....and it hasn't been 2 years since the last post. Things have been up and down around here and busier than ever. DJ has a new mental health therapist and has had 3 appointments so far. My first impressions or gut feeling is good. She has experience in all the right areas and on the case plan we opened up the possibility for tons of wrap around services if they become needed. It feels good to begin building a support team around our family. Dr. Tim (our med management expert) is amazing! We've been working with him now for over a year. We've got IEPs and 504s in place for kiddos who need them. My connections academy students are learning well here in our home environment, although laundry and "made from scratch" meals are suffering a bit. I have been collecting all past medical records in order to build notebooks for each kiddo. This way I can just hand over the notebook and have the specialist do some reading and photocopying as needed. We are getting new neuro Psyche evals on DJ and Megs. How am I doing? I am up and down. I've cried more in the past 2 months off and on than I have in my entire life! Part of that I am sure has to do with coming off some of my own medications. I fight with feeling of guilt for overreacting or not creating the reality of the "vision" for how I always thought my family would be. I'm frustrated by behaviors I cannot teach or love my kids out of doing. I am disgusted with the amount of structure and micro managing that my kids call for. However, I know at the end of the day that God has given me all that I need to be the parent these kids need me to be...even if that does not match the vision in my head (yellow school bus, warm cookies coming out of the oven, multiple trips to the park, dance and sports lessons, etc). I know deep down that Drew and I are doing and have done our very best to provide for all of their needs. We will not give up. Something that I have really enjoyed over the past few weeks has been getting out and cleaning up the yard. The kids have been excited to play in the dirt. The other day while while DJ was raking he said "When I'm serving others I am actually serving God"...he said it with joy and confidence. These are moments to remember that some of what we are trying to teach is coming through. Despite my bad back, the fresh air and new hobby of beautifying the yard has been a blessing. I always like a job that has visual evidence of change....it feels great to accomplish something. I have planted hardy spring flowers, mowed, weeded, rearranged boulders, fertilized, etc. We also got some winter veggie seeds planted inside to get starts going for the garden. Drew promises to get the garden dirt ready soon. I even planted flower seeds inside that stated on the package should be planted indoors 8-10 weeks before the last frost. I am looking forward to better weather....to 12 mile bike rides with my friend Heather, and to fresh foods from the garden.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Support Group

I had the chance to visit a support group for families with kids who have special needs. The kids had a blast playing in the room next to where the parents were meeting. After the opening prayer I began to feel emotional....I mean they were going around the table talking about their kids and I was really trying not to all out bawl. I mostly had little tears escaping and some sniffles....but by the time it was my turn, I was so emotional that I had to pass. I knew if I opened my mouth and tried to utter out a word I would completely lose it. Anyway, it came back around to being my turn and I got through it. I am so glad they had tissues there. There were a few parents who had kids with autism, lots of parents of kids with rare genetic disorders that cause major disabilities, parents who just lost children, etc. I sort of felt a little out of place in that my kids struggle with behavioral and neurological setbacks in comparison...but I also felt like I belonged because these people have the same type of struggles we do with family, friends, church peeps, ect. Anyway, the Holy Spirit was SO strong there. I did bare my testimony that I know and am grateful for the knowledge that God would not give me more than I can handle. He equips us to do His will and to get through the challenges in our lives. I expressed my gratitude for the love he sends to us through our children and through other people. I do think this will be a great opportunity for me to uplift and be uplifted by others. To top it off the kids had a major great time! If you want to know more about joining this support group just send me a comment. On another note....my dear sunshine, I miss you already! Please come out again soon.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Flowers, Yay!

I LOVE flowers. I've never been into planting them though. We have been super blessed with some spring like weather...sunny, no rain....for a week or so. Drew, the kids, and I all worked in the yard this weekend. We mowed, raked, weeded, and had a bbq outside. It was a wonderful weekend with just our own little family. I think the kids enjoyed the fresh air as well. So, today I got brave and purchased some hardy plants for the planters in front of the house. I got some primrose, pansies, and another that I can't remember the name of. The kids enjoyed digging in the dirt too. We also got ALL of our homeschool done for the day as well. I can't believe it, but we also went to the park for a while. I made simple tuna sandwiches for dinner and tossed some cookies in the oven. I am happy for good days around here. D earned some computer time as well....he had a great day! To top it off, we are trying out a new foster/adoption support group tonight. The kids will have their own activities and fun while the parents connect with other families. We'll see if it's worth a drive to Salem and being out late. D has an appointment with a new psychotherapist this Wednesday as well. I hope it will be a good move on our part. That's it for now :p

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Traumatized Kids/Traumatized Parents

The following is an excerpt from a blog I found...and it was unusual at how it laid out some of my own personal feelings and battles that Drew and I are going through right now. Read if you like...but please don't give any judgmental feedback...only supportive comments on these sensitive adoption issues. I promise you that you don't know what really goes on in these situations unless you are living in it. My kids can also seem so sweet and charming to others in the public...even relatives. You just don't know unless you yourself experience it. With that.....here is the post....... Being Traumatized Ourselves There are several reasons we all decided to adopt. Perhaps you have had a calling since childhood, your sister became addicted to drugs and DFCS asked you to step up, you struggled with infertility, or maybe you saw an ad that stirred something in you. Why isn't important. I'm sure nearly every one of us had some fantasy that included loving moments with your new adorable child. Who wouldn't allow themselves to daydream about vacations by the beach or dinners out with friends as a family? For most adoptive parents, that dream was realized when their child settled in to their new home and new loving family. Our families don't fit that mold. Our children were traumatized in the homes of their first families. Some of them were starved, left unattended for hours and even days, beaten, and even sexually abused by the very people that were supposed to love and protect them. When our children's needs were ignored, they began to learn that no one could be trusted. They became anxious, never knowing who or if anyone would ever help them. Over time, it became anger. Eventually, they landed in our homes with new parents ready to snuggle and love all their boo boos away. Some of them showed their anger and mistrust by destroying their nice new things, spitting on us, kicking, hitting, acting out sexually, and some even tried to harm themselves or others to prove they weren't worthy of being loved. Our love was foreign to them. We stood there and watched all the hoopla thinking we must be crazy. How could this adorable child be so charming and sweet to the check out lady and kick us in the head all the way home in the van? How could you tell your friends and family and make them believe? If you were brave enough, they probably explained how you must be doing something wrong, or it is all typical kids behavior. You began to think it must be you. You questioned your behavior, your motives, your parenting, everything. You searched out parenting books and advice from your doctor. Nothing worked. As your child got worse and became a danger to you or your other children, you began to wonder what you have done to your family. You didn't know what else there was to do. Disruption thoughts began to slip in your thoughts and depression set in. You are not alone. There are families out there struggling to parent traumatized children and being traumatized ourselves during this process. I can't say this group will fix your problems or save your family. I can say finding a support group that will not judge you can save your sanity and give you the strength to go on when you feel you are at the end of your rope. We can help each other find new ways that will help you help your child learn to trust you. We can support each other when the smell of pee sends you into a sobfest, provide respite for each other when we need some down time, and even help you explain to the school why this isn't your fault and teach them how to help you instead of getting sucked into your child's lies or manipulations. Tell me what you need. What are you struggling with? What behaviors push your buttons the fastest and are the hardest to deal with? What resources are you having a hard time finding? Are you confused about where to begin to look for help? What can we do for you? http://thebodiebunch.blogspot.com/

Baptism & Cinderella

Today was such an awesome day! It started with the baptism of John Cheney at the church. The Holy Ghost was so strong there today. The love from our Savior was very apparent. I am also always very glad to have the opportunity to play my flute. Ceanna sang a beautiful song and Maria was awesome on the piano as well. I also got to catch up with my friend Renetta and was able to sit with Darcy. Such cool peeps. After that I took 3 of our kids to go pick out princess/king crowns for the dress up Cinderella matine. It was awesome and the kids had so much fun. They were even asking if we could take them to audition for a play sometime. That would be fun to try. ON a completely different note...I am thinking of trying out a foster/adoptive support group on Monday night. They provide childcare...it would be good to get some connections going around here. I am thankful for the beautiful sunny day we had!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Cookies & Soup, Yum!

I was able to finally find time and cash to stop by the cannery today over at Norpac. I've been meaning to check it out for some time now. I got a lot to put in the freezer for 30 bucks. Went home......tossed one of the frozen soups into the stock pot.....added a few cans tomato sauce, seasoning, parm cheese, and pasta. The kids ate it right up! Since dinner was so easy we threw together some cookies for after dinner. I think I'll make up some homemade bread to go with it tomorrow. We fell a few lessons behind in school, but we'll try to make up for it tomorrow....that's the beauty of schooling at home.